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Showing posts from October 11, 2010
This is really the FIRST time of my entire life to blog about him.
i really want to keep all this in my heart, i dont want my friends,relatives, people who dote on me to worry about my life.
i dont want them to share my burden, just let me swallow this alone.

Today is the first night that i really feel like screaming from the top of my lungs, BADLY.
REALLY BADLY.
i wanted to shout, i really wanted to, but i keep surpressing it.
and now my heart really feels the pressure.
it's getting heavier till i cant take it anymore.

Even typing about this, my heart is super heavy, it weighs a million trillion piercings.
i want, i wish to tear but come to think of it, its not worth it.

There are several, infact, more than that, my entire life which causes many things that lead to a deeper level of hatred against him.
ive tried not to hate him, tried to understand that "no matter what, he's still my dad"
not that i didnt try, I TRIED! I KEPT THINKING, kept putting god's word in my mind.
BUT…